These are REAL 911 Calls

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 what is your emergency

Caller:  I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown
            house on the corner.

Dispatcher: Do you have an address

Caller:   No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why

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Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency
Caller:  Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham
             and cheese sandwich.
Dispatcher: Excuse me
Caller:  I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen
            table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had
            taken a bite out of it.
Dispatcher: Was anything else taken
Caller:  No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired
            of it

**************************************************

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is the nature of your emergency
Caller:   I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have
             an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller:    I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same
                   thing.
Caller:    Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.

****************************************************

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What's the nature of your emergency
Caller:    My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two
              minutes apart
Dispatcher: Is this her first child
Caller:    No, you idiot! This is her husband!
****************************************************
Dispatcher: 9-1-1

Caller:   Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breat 
              Darn....I think I'm going to pass out
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from
Caller:   I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster
Dispatcher: ! Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic
Caller:   No
Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble
                   breathing
Caller:   Running from the Police