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پنج‌شنبه 7 خرداد‌ماه سال 1388 ساعت 11:52 ب.ظ

 

  

Little Johnny

   A traveling salesman rings this doorbell. 10 year old little Johnny
   answers, holding a beer and smoking a fat cigar. The salesman says,
   "little boy is your mother home?" Little Johnny taps his ash on the
  
carpet and says, "what do you think 

 

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آخر معرفت

جمعه 10 اسفند‌ماه سال 1386 ساعت 12:05 ب.ظ
A man walks in a bank, gets in line and when it is his turn he pulls out a gun...and robs the bank
 
Just to make sure he leaves no witnesses..He turns around and asks the next customer in line.. 'Did you see me rob this bank?' The customer replies, 'Yes!' The bank robber raises his gun, points it to the customer's head and
BANG 
 
Shoots him in the head and kills him! He quickly moves to the next customer in line and says to the man,'Did You see me rob this bank
 
The man calmly responds ... 'No, but my wife did
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Disorder in the Court

پنج‌شنبه 16 فروردین‌ماه سال 1386 ساعت 10:59 ق.ظ

 

These are from a book called ' Disorder in the American Courts', and are things

 people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these

 

 

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth

WITNESS: July 18th

ATTORNEY: What year

WITNESS: Every year

 

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you

WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which

ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you

WITNESS: Forty-five years

 

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning

WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy

ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you

WITNESS: My name is Susan

 

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he

WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one

 

 

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated

WITNESS: By death

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated

 

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people

WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people

 

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to

WITNESS: Oral

 

 

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time

WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an

autopsy on him

 

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a

pulse

WITNESS: No

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure

WITNESS: No

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing

WITNESS: No

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began

the autopsy

WITNESS: No

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting in a jar on my desk

ATTORNEY: But nevertheless could the patient have still been alive

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing

law

 

 

 

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In The garden

دوشنبه 13 فروردین‌ماه سال 1386 ساعت 05:00 ب.ظ

 

Standing there in the garden, she saw him running toward her

“ Tina! My  flower ! The love of my life ”

He’d said it at last 

“ oh Tom “ 

“Tina ,My flower “

“Oh ,Tom ! I love  you too ”

Tom reached her , Hnelt down  , and quickly pushed her aside.

“ My flower ! You were standing on my prize-winning rose ”

 

 

Hope A. Torres

در باغ

زن در باغ ایستاده بود که دید مرد به طرفش می دود

-تینا ! گل من ! عشق بزرگ زندگی من !

مرد عاقبت این کلمات را به زبان آورده بود

-اوه تام !

-تینا !گل من !

-اوه تام ! من هم تو را دوست دارم

تام به زن رسید ٬ به زانو افتاد ٬و به سرعت او را کنار زد

-گل من ! تو روی گل سرخ برنده جایزه من ایستاد بودی !

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Learn To Be Lonely

یکشنبه 8 بهمن‌ماه سال 1385 ساعت 08:08 ق.ظ

Child of the wilderness
Born into emptiness
Learn to be lonely
Learn to find your way in darkness

Who will be there for you
Comfort and care for you
Learn to be lonely
Learn to be your one companion

Never dreamed out in the world
There are arms to hold you
You’ve always known your heart was on its own

So laugh in your loneliness
Child of the wilderness
Learn to Be lonely
Learn how to love life that is lived alone

Learn to be lonely
Life can be lived life can be loved alone

The Phantom of the Opera

 

 

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puzzle

سه‌شنبه 26 دی‌ماه سال 1385 ساعت 09:19 ق.ظ

This is a famous puzzle

Three people are eating at a restaurant. The waiter gives them the bill, which totals up to $30. The three people decide to share the expense equally ($10 each), rather than figure out how much each really owes. The waiter gives the bill and the $30 to the manager, who sees that they have been overcharged. The real amount should be $25. He gives the waiter five $1 bills to return to the customers, with the restaurant's apologies. But, the waiter is a dishonest man. He puts $2 in his pocket, and returns $3 to the customers. Now, each of the three customers has paid $9, for a total of $27. Add the $2 that the waiter has stolen, and you get $29. But, the original bill was $30. What happened to the missing dollar

Think about it. It is worth the effort. Then click here if you want to see the answer

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جمله هائی که آدم دوست داره به بعضی ها بگه !

سه‌شنبه 28 آذر‌ماه سال 1385 ساعت 03:42 ب.ظ

جمله هائی که بعضی از بزرگان ادب  هنرسیاست و...  در مواقعی بکار برده  اند وحالا ما میتونیم مصداقش رو توی خیلی از آدم های معروف این زمان پیدا کنیم .برای مثال جمله اول شما رو به یاد کی می اندازه؟!

He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.- Groucho Marx

I don't know what makes you so dumb but it really works

Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today

Don't let you mind wander - it's far too small to be let out on its own

As an outsider, what do you think of the human race

Keep talking, someday you'll say something intelligent

Some day you will find yourself - and wish you hadn't

I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play, bring a friend... if you have one."
George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second...if there is one."
Winston Churchill, in response

 

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