Little Johnny
A traveling salesman rings this doorbell. 10 year old little Johnny
answers, holding a beer and smoking a fat cigar. The salesman says,
"little boy is your mother home?" Little Johnny taps his ash on the carpet and says, "what do you think
These are from a book called ' Disorder in the American Courts', and are things
people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth
WITNESS: July 18th
ATTORNEY: What year
WITNESS: Every year
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you
WITNESS: Forty-five years
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you
WITNESS: My name is Susan
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated
WITNESS: By death
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to
WITNESS: Oral
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body
WITNESS: The autopsy started around
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy on him
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
pulse
WITNESS: No
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure
WITNESS: No
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing
WITNESS: No
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began
the autopsy
WITNESS: No
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting in a jar on my desk
ATTORNEY: But nevertheless could the patient have still been alive
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing
law
Standing there in the garden, she saw him running toward her
“ Tina! My flower ! The love of my life ”
He’d said it at last
“ oh Tom “
“Tina ,My flower “
“Oh ,Tom ! I love you too ”
Tom reached her , Hnelt down , and quickly pushed her aside.
“ My flower ! You were standing on my prize-winning rose ”
Hope A. Torres
در باغ
زن در باغ ایستاده بود که دید مرد به طرفش می دود
-تینا ! گل من ! عشق بزرگ زندگی من !
مرد عاقبت این کلمات را به زبان آورده بود
-اوه تام !
-تینا !گل من !
-اوه تام ! من هم تو را دوست دارم
تام به زن رسید ٬ به زانو افتاد ٬و به سرعت او را کنار زد
-گل من ! تو روی گل سرخ برنده جایزه من ایستاد بودی !
Child of the wilderness
Born into emptiness
Learn to be lonely
Learn to find your way in darkness
Who will be there for you
Comfort and care for you
Learn to be lonely
Learn to be your one companion
Never dreamed out in the world
There are arms to hold you
You’ve always known your heart was on its own
So laugh in your loneliness
Child of the wilderness
Learn to Be lonely
Learn how to love life that is lived alone
Learn to be lonely
Life can be lived life can be loved alone
This is a famous puzzle
Three people are eating at a restaurant. The waiter gives them the bill, which totals up to $30. The three people decide to share the expense equally ($10 each), rather than figure out how much each really owes. The waiter gives the bill and the $30 to the manager, who sees that they have been overcharged. The real amount should be $25. He gives the waiter five $1 bills to return to the customers, with the restaurant's apologies. But, the waiter is a dishonest man. He puts $2 in his pocket, and returns $3 to the customers. Now, each of the three customers has paid $9, for a total of $27. Add the $2 that the waiter has stolen, and you get $29. But, the original bill was $30. What happened to the missing dollar
Think about it. It is worth the effort. Then click here if you want to see the answer
جمله هائی که بعضی از بزرگان ادب هنرسیاست و... در مواقعی بکار برده اند وحالا ما میتونیم مصداقش رو توی خیلی از آدم های معروف این زمان پیدا کنیم .برای مثال جمله اول شما رو به یاد کی می اندازه؟!
He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.- Groucho Marx
I don't know what makes you so dumb but it really works
Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today
Don't let you mind wander - it's far too small to be let out on its own
As an outsider, what do you think of the human race
Keep talking, someday you'll say something intelligent
Some day you will find yourself - and wish you hadn't
I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play, bring a friend... if you have one."
George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second...if there is one."
Winston Churchill, in response